STATE OF THE HOOKUP.

It's easy to get hooked on a Hookup.

Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for coming, I am the Spokesperson for The Hookup, and on behalf of The Hookup, I’ve been asked to issue a statement. To begin, the State of the Hookup—is good. We have one ‘he’ and one ‘she’, and while you may happen to know either or both, I am not at liberty to confirm their participation. To be sure, this would be a modern Hookup, and as such, both parties may be single parents who must drive several hours to visit one another. When not together, they keep in regular contact via smart phone emoticons, and I can report that, this week alone, the parties exchanged approximately 15 smileys, 11 devils, and 10 contortions. They have agreed upon a Facebook policy and continue to ‘like’, i.e., ‘thumbs up’ each other’s status updates, especially those that attempt to define their—quite significant—contributions to radical culture. They are drinking socially, they are not smoking apricot hookah, they have both deactivated their online dating profiles, and while this may seem curious, folks, remember: it’s but a Hookup. Neither is lusty; both are trim; each continues to struggle with his or her knowledge of jazz music, despite the overwhelming amount of information available to them in their circles of friends. As far as who’s in charge, well, she’s been acting a bit girlie, but then again, so has he. Many people have feelings for her (I’ve confessed my own) but he’s lovable enough in an ‘ultimate frisbee days-of-yore’ kind of way, hence, a general feeling of ‘live and let live’ should establish itself, one would hope, eventually. Before I conclude, I would like to acknowledge someone in the audience, the General Secretary of the Avant Garde, who informed me that both parties have applied for membership in the Avant Garde, jointly, as a Hookup. Their application is pending. Mr. General Secretary, thank you, and thank you, Ladies and Gentlemen, I am now ready to take your questions.

APPLICATION FOR MEMBERSHIP IN THE AVANT GARDE.

Please complete in Quadruplicate

1. Do you publicly admonish The Establishment—uttering such phrases as ‘Yeah, right!’ or ‘Up yours!’—even as you have prospered from its policies? 

2. Have you sat on a couch populated by members of the Avant Garde, during a soiree, and refused a space on the couch to an ordinary person?

3. Does climate change threaten you generally, or do you fret about danger to your professional reputation in the face of rising temperatures and swelling seas?

4. If the nation elected a leftist government, would you be prepared to endorse it?

5. How many conspiracies do you contemplate in an average day? Circle one of the following: | 0 | 1 to 3 | 4 to 6 | 7 to10 | 11 or higher |

6. Speaking as an artist, would you describe your collected audience to be situated above or below 25 total persons?

7. Does your favorite animal inhabit the steppe, the wilderness, or the butte?

8. How many times do you congratulate yourself on social media platforms, including, but not limited to updates on the basic activities of daily living?

9. Have you, at any time, in any previous connection, professional or otherwise, smelled like onions?

10. Are you familiar with the military grouping known as the Vanguard, as exemplified by the Burgundy Armies, and adopted, later, by Various Hordes?

If you are applying for Membership as part of a Hookup with another person, both parties of the Hookup must complete questions 1 through 10, in Quadruplicate. Good day.

INTERVIEW WITH A GANG MEMBER WHO TAGGED THE GOJO DISPENSER IN THE MEN’S LAVATORY.

They were dissing our soap, man! That’s where we

prevent translation that’s where we tantalize our hands!

Beholden that pink liquid all over the floor—or viewing

those big foaming bubbles in the sink: it’s obvious

they didn’t need to expense that much cleanser—

so I asked my Best Girl Forever (not my Best Girl & not

my Girl Forever) “lemme hold some nail polish maneuver”

& she gave me some maneuver called Wite Out though

I never saw her w/ Wite nails. It smelled like Elmer’s.

(I smelled it a while.) So, yeah, I nerved the script a bit

I meant to cribbage ‘Soap 2 Yo Mama’ but it goes

‘Soup 2 Yo Llama’ still it supplements & warns them—

the next time they go to the Men’s Laboratory better act

fictitious or we gonna mix clean & dirty Ace 4 Ace!

[NaPoWriMo Sonnet #30 of 30. Finis!]

INTERVIEW WITH A NUDIST WHO HAS NEVER BEEN UNDRESSED BY ANYBODY'S EYES.

I waited for the bus so long—my transfer expired.

When the bus finally arrived a radicalized youth

chucked a rock at it (clank!) & it swerved into traffic.

“Young Man!” I shouted but he glared at me in a way

that knocked my body out of my body & I witnessed

50 vibrations of my own ruddy countenance before

the grand lens refocused itself—I walked beneath

the dirtiest of oaks, the nuttiest of silver clouds.

People should be playing coital instead of playing coy.

(Who was that Barbara Streisand character? Coit’l?)

How does the eye slip a button through a buttonhole?

How does the eye unzip the zipper, tooth by tooth?

A nudist can be undressed twice, same as you & you.

There are two tempers to each person; both are bare.

[NaPoWriMo Interview Sonnet #29.]

INTERVIEW WITH THE TENANT OF APARTMENT 704 WHO WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A WORD WITH THE SUPERINTENDANT.

I tried to go down but the elevator went up—

that’s not my gripe! You probably noticed

the plaster in my hair? I didn’t put no plaster in my hair!

When I woke up this morning it was bright outside.

All the little song sparrows was in the same little tree

as if the tree was jabbering & flapping on its own.

‘All right!’ I thought. ‘Yessir!’ I thought.

‘Today’s the day!’ I thought. ‘Been waiting!’ I thought.

‘I got my whole life in front of me!’ I thought,

lying there, in bed, glistening in my own glory

when the very peacefulness of my vision tore & the very

concepts of foundation & solidity tore in two &

the gut-damn ceiling came down—WET—all over me!

The hell is a Man if all I’ve got . . . is a Complaint!


[NaPoWriMo Sonnet #28.]

INTERVIEW WITH A WORK-RELEASE PRISONER WHO HUNGERS FOR A LOW-CARBON FOOTPRINT.

That’d help me w/ a getaway, correct?

although I’d hardly be lamming it barefoot—

—well—can I get a low-carbon footprint

in Asics or New Balance or Adidas?

& what about a low-carbon fingerprint?

that way, I could help myself to a few staples

(wallets, smart phones, laptops, etc.)

w/o implicating myself via CSI scenarios—

—well—I wonder if I’d need to water

my carbon footprints & fingerprints

to hydrate them, to carbohydrate them—

I work the highway & watch cubicle staffers

drive by in hybrids—if the world’d get

any quieter—well—it just might disappear.


[NaPoWriMo Sonnet #27.]

INTERVIEW WITH THE WORKER IN CHARGE OF RAISING AND LOWERING THE FLAG.

I am recruit from Job Fair next to hamburger parlor

they engage me in tug of war contest first w/ large dog

then w/ team of shot-putter then w/ Volkswagen Beetle—

Beetle is very tough—I let go from rope & he drive car

into tower that say “Family Bail Bond: Bail Bond For

When Whole Family Go To Jail At Same Arrest” but

he is all right—man in Beetle—he become Under Boss

I have two boss in same office: Under Boss & Over Boss

Under Boss tell me when flag to be half-mast & Over Boss

when to raise flag full—one day they fight a big fight about

television game where athlete make idiot-type mistake

Under Boss fall on top of Over Boss & knock out his wind

I love your country I am not from your country, my arm

grow strong as Rust Ox from constant tug of life & death!

[NaPoWriMo Sonnet #26. Too, see: American History 101.]